Submitting

Alright, I know this one is going to be a tough one. This week’s topics are hard to understand and follow. I would know; I’m speaking from experience.

Plus, these are controversial subjects in the modern female Christian world: Submitting to our husbands and being teachable.

Yup. Better to talk about it sooner rather than later, right?

I’m a very independent person. I don’t like to depend on people for things and I certainly don’t like people telling me what to do. When I think about the phrase “submit to your husband,” it makes me feel like when I’m married, I won’t be me anymore. My body won’t be mine. I will no longer be able to make decisions without my husband telling me what to do.

On the bright side, that can’t be farther from the truth.

Let us look at Ephesians 5:21-33:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Now let’s unpack this bad boy.

Verses 21-24: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

• God made the husband the head of the family
• When we submit and obey our husbands, we’re submitting and obeying God

Verses 25-27: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

• When we submit to our husbands, in turn, our husbands love us with all of their being
• They’re called to sacrifice their lives, their wants desires, free time, just like Christ sacrificed himself on the cross
• They’re spiritual leaders in the household; always sharing the Word with their wives and children
• Because they lead us spiritually, we’ll become more disciplined in God’s Word and carry it in our hearts

Verses 28-30: “this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.”

• Husbands are to take care of us just as they would take care of themselves
• They’re to cherish our bodies because we are a part of the spiritual body of Christ

Verses 31-33: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

• When we marry our future husbands, we become united as one mind and one body
• Christ dedicated His life to His Father’s church. In the same way, we’re to dedicate our lives to God and to each other as husbands and wives

1 Peter 3:1-2 says, “Wives, in the same way, submit yourself to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence in your lives.”

Submitting to our husbands isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and respect.

Our future husbands are to love us and be patient with us (Colossians 3:18-19). It makes sense for us to submit to them.

Now, please understand this: we are to submit out of respect, not fear.

If your husband abuses you — mentally, physically, emotionally– please get out of that relationship immediately. We are daughters of the Most High King first and foremost. We are NOT punching bags or therapeutic waste baskets. That’s not what marriage is about. That’s not what submission is about. That’s fear.

Submitting is when we know we don’t have to ask permission, but we do anyways. We pray for our husbands, encourage them. We don’t criticize, we talk about them positively to other people, allow them to lead spiritually and in prayer, we keep them involved in our lives so they’re not left in the dark, and we put their needs first.

“But Mackenzie,” you say, “what if I don’t agree with a decision my husband makes for our family? What if I think he’s making a mistake, but he’s too stubborn to realize it?”

This, my dear friends, is a problem that’s solution is easier said than done.

As the lovely Beth Moore says, “Submission is ducking your head so God can hit your husband.”

I love her.

Let God take care of your husband when that situation arises, because it probably will. Don’t get so frustrated that it forces a gap between you and your future husband. Us ladies can be stubborn too.

With submission comes willingness to learn, to be teachable.

To be like the godly woman in Proverbs 31 who gives faithful instruction and speaks with wisdom we need to be humble enough to accept that we don’t know everything.

Ouch. That is going to sting a little.

I have to admit, I struggle with this one too. I love learning and helping others learn, but I don’t like correction or criticism.

But God’s Word says, “Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise. Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds direction gains understanding.”

When we humble ourselves and heed correction, we can learn and grow so much. Discipline and correction don’t have to be bad things. We can learn from our future husbands as well when we submit to them.

When we submit to God, He’ll guide the humble and teach us what is right (Proverbs 25:9).

Sisters in Christ, let us not lead others astray from the Word, but show that discipline can lead the way to an abundant life (Proverbs 10:17).

Let God’s teaching fall on us like rain so we are immersed in His love, for He disciplines us because we’re His children. He loves us so much that He refuses to leave us in our brokenness.

Lord,

Thank You that You refuse to leave us as we are and that You know what all we can become. Help us to bow our heads in prayer for our future husbands to become spiritual leaders in submission to You. Help us to become women of noble and humble character.

Amen.

M.A.

Like this post? Check out my whole Godly Woman series here.